This is going to sound weird to most of you, but bear with me.  That said, I am not sure that this will be relevant for anyone reading this, but I am writing it anyway, because it’s been in my head and won’t go away.

I have been a member of a waterski club in Ringwood for the last 17 years.  Our boys have learned to ride their bikes there; they have learned to wakeboard there; they have played for hours in the water there; I have had amazing views of grass snakes there; I have been one of the main drivers there and taught many people to ski; I have seen people healed there (and get cross because other people wouldn’t believe, “that Jesus F~&*ing healed me!”

This club has been a community to us for all that time.  It is like a church.  I have seen babies born and grow up, marriages break up, new relationships born and I have seen people who have got ill and died.  At Di’s funeral, over forty of them were there.

I have really good friends there.

It’s like church (ecclesia – “A gathering of like-minded people”).  We gather around a common love of the sport.  For seven months every year, we hold our lives in common (koinonia – “fellowship”). We eat together, learn together, laugh together and commiserate with each other.

It’s my other church.  It is a sanctuary (that keeps me sane enough to carry on with this job!)

Last month, we decided that Ellingham Waterski and Wakeboard Club was no longer what we needed.  There are several reasons for this and no one is to blame.  We have a large family, the club is busier now and it doesn’t work so well for us anymore.  More often than not, I felt more stressed after a visit, than I did before.  It is no longer a sanctuary.  No one has done anything wrong.  It just seemed like it was time to move on.

We tried out another club.

I felt so guilty.  I felt as though I was having an affair.

We loved the other club. It was perfect for us.

I felt so guilty.  I felt as though I was cheating on my ski club.

We decided that this was where we wanted to go and that we would move on.

I felt so guilty.

We realised that, actually, we had already moved on emotionally.

I felt so guilty

I talked about it all with the manager at Ellingham. He is a great friend and I really love him.  He was sad, but he said, “you need to do what’s best for your family and moving to that club is definitely the best thing for you”.

I still felt guilty.

Then I realised that I could alleviate my guilt by finding faults in Ellingham.  By doing that, I could get wound up and annoyed and then I felt justified about leaving.  It assuaged my guilt.  When you start to see a new thing, you can always find things to get annoyed at, about the old thing.

But that is not right.  I keep having to stop myself.  I am not moving because I am angry.  I am moving because it is a new season and it is time to move on.  There are many positive reasons for moving, that are nothing to do with Ellingham.

But I did feel less guilty if I got cross and it made the leaving feel easier.

Leaving Ellingham is like leaving a church.  It’s been a very long time since I last did that.

It seems to me that often when people leave a church – be it leaving this one to go somewhere else, or leaving somewhere else to come here – they do so with a lot of anger and criticism.

Sometimes, it is just time to go.

You don’t need to feel guilty.  You definitely don’t need to find things to get angry about, in order to feel less guilty.

You can just accept that a season is ending and now it is time for a new season.

You can honour your friends and those with whom you have shared life, and move on with grace.

On the occasions when this has happened in church – and recently one couple has done exactly this – it has been such a beautiful thing.  It is still sad, but it is a “good” sad.  On the occasions where there is bitterness, criticism and anger, it is so heart-breaking and there is always a trail of hurt left behind.  It does not need to be this way.

Let’s learn to leave well.  Let us learn to honour what we leave and go with blessing.